Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Welp. This blog is exposed now.

Welp welp welp.
If it isn't you.

You tu siapa pun I taktau. Tapi kalau asalmu dari twitter, hi. Pekabo? Sihat? Tengkiulah save link saya. Sebab saya tengah tutup twitter sekarang. It's either you remember it, save it or you just google it. Either way, hi. I like you :) 

So you like the way I write things aite? Well what can I say. I can play your heart like a kompang with my writing. Woot woot.

Why I said kompang? Because I don't know how to spell benjo.
Is it benjo or banjo or....ranjau onak duri hatiku ini?

Hahahahahahaha. K yakde kena mengena.

K. I will be back on twitter. Soon. Kot. Hahahahahah. Selalu pun kejap delete kejap hidup twitter tu. Sometimes you have to disconnect yourself from outer world. From virtual world. My brain is not ok. But i hope it's getting better. Yelah, i have sooo many doubts in my life. Nantilah we get to the details.

I deleted whatsapp too. And intended to stay that way. Tapi apakah daya? Zaman sekarang pakai whatsapp je weh. Dahlah banyak commitment dekat whatsapp tu. Wui wui wui. Maka hiduplah balik natang tu.

So if any of you guys contacted me and I answered macam malas je, i'm sorry. 

I'm trying to patch things kejap.
I will be fine.
Been doing this for years.
I will be fine.


**hapdet 18/6/2017. my twitter dipegang my friend because i asked her to. so yeah :)

Saturday, May 6, 2017

can I talk to you about death?

this post is going to be Bahasa Melayu and English.

Assalamualaikum. hi :)

Sebelum menulis, kita buat ritual dulu.
*Tiup habuk blog*


Hi.. Nak tanya, pernah lalu sebelah kubur tak? Rasa apa ek? Takut? Tetiba pocong melompat?
I used to think the same things too. But everything changed when my father died.
He died on 21st March 2010. 7 years ago.

The scar of loosing him is still here. in me. There are times, where I will question everything and I pray to god, the next person he should take is me, because I cannot bear loosing another one from my family. I'm useless anyway ahaha.

eh termelencong.

i wanted to talk about kubur. cemetery. last house that we will stay in until hereafter.

After loosing my father, for me a cemetery is just a place for your body to lie in. The place where every amalans will be questioned.

it's just a place.

not a place for ghosts.
not a place to be afraid of.

sooner or later, you'll be in there too.
no one will help you.

it's just a place.

the hantus? They are not spirits of the dead. no. they are just a creatures made to make you simpang from religion.

like i said. it's just a place.

one day if I die, please bury me near my father's grave.  Dungun :)
because I don't want my family to scatter around if they wanted to visit us. bila raya, biar semua duduk satu tempat ha, baca yassin sekali je, niat terus. ehekk. boleh ke idok? Entoh le teman taktau. but bukankah lebih senang begitu?

sooner or later, i will tell you stories about how my father's death changed me. his death, changed my life. how I almost took a knife and .. :)

i know a lot of people who do not like me will come across this blog.
heck idc.
i'm open about my past :)