Thursday, March 30, 2017

I'm weird.

UPDATE 2017.

saje repost balik sebab aku comel. kbai.
hahahahaahah ni umur 17 punya post ni















I want people to read my blog but I don't want people to read my blog. You know what I'm saying?
I mean....... I don't mind if you read my blog but please just keep it to yourself. Don't tell me that you are reading my blog. I like being an anonymous. I want people who read my blog know that they are reading my blog but pretend like they do not read my blog.
Ugh.
Too complicated? Ok ok. Lets make it simple.
Do not tell me that you are reading my blog. Unless......
To be continued....
BHAHAHA k bye
Assalamualaikum.
BAPAK BESAR GAMBAR!! ANONYMOUS SANGAT. *tangan kat bahu* Sorry, I usually update my blog using my phone. Don't know how to resize it. If I don't feel comfortable with this picture, I'll remove it. Assalamualaikum :)

Let's talk .

So.. i checked my feedjit. (you can see it's over there, dekat bawah, kanan)
So.. Feedjit said that I had a reader from Ipoh, Perak.
Ada tiga orang yang saya tau dari Perak. One, Rabbit dia study sana. Two, my tuition teachers; cikgu Aidil & cikgu H a l m i e. oh oh one more, my cousin study sana. I hope Rabbit tak ternampak dia sebab dia sirius lee lawa and cantik, macam tiz zaqyah + heliza helmi + Yatt Hamzah + Ustaz Don .. eh eh bukan Ustaz Don tapi Irma Hasmie.
I hope you are not them.
Oh speaking of Perak, hari sabtu 17 Ogos haritu, pergi Perak jap. Ada orang kenduri. My mom punya sedara, anaknya kahwin.
Humangaihh sesat. Manjung, Setiawan, Teluk Intan.. Waduh waduhh.. Semua itu kami lalu.
Bertolak 5/6 petang something sampai pukul 10. -_-
Ok tu je lah kot.
Goodnight.
Assalamualaikum.
aku harap walaupun dgn menulis ini, mereka-mereka yg tersenarai kat atas takkan terjumpa blog ni.
kenapa aku jarakkan nama cikgu yg kedua tu? sebab nama dia unik/lain. Sekali wife dia google (manalah tau kan) nama dia pastu terjumpa blog ni pastu tanya husband dia, aku ni betul ke student dia(bukan aku nak kata she's jealous ke no. Maksud aku macam wife dia terfikir untuk tanya sebab saja nak tau, curios) , pastu cikgu aku pun terjumpa blog ni pastu dia terbaca beberapa post aku kat blog ni mesti dalam hati dia cakap "Heh Sarah ngok ngek jugak kau dalam blog, in real life (agak) normal"

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

I iz bored.

I iz bored and I dont like it.
ok this post is like transparent + opaque or...maybe i should just say that this post is translucent ? yeah.
so ummm..
"Biar aku buktikan dekat mereka aku pun boleh berjaya. Nanti barulah diorang tau aku pun layak..."
ok bla bla bla.
ayat kat atas tu.. bunyi macam determination kan? Or....more like...dendam? For me the ayat above is like 'Hah HAMEK kau'
Tak baik nak berjaya dengan dendam btw.
so i dont want to elaborate that story. Korang faham sendiri je lah.
nak cerita benda lain.
You see.....my father died 3 years ago... And since then this house. I mean this whole house has lost it's sparks. And it got worse last year.
You see... I am the youngest in my family.
I am alone.
I am lonely.
Very lonely.
Yes I do have friends but...
I can feel like my heart is like a puzzle and there are missing pieces.
You know.. I feel empty. I hate going on the same routine everyday. From day to night.
I hate it but I am used to it. Maybe this is why I am protective.
I just want to protect myself from getting hurt.
By anyone.
So, aku jadi defensive, sombong, bongkak, berlagak, socially awkward, cepat annoyed, loner etc. Actually I don't mind. Because they are the one who made me this way. But diorang tak sedar.
I feel so blessed because perangai aku yang macam ni lah yang mengelakkan aku dari nak jadi drug addict, bunuh diri, lari rumah etc. You see... I am socially awkward. It means I do not like getting out of my comfort zone. I will be friendly only to certain types of people.
I post this in my blog because heyy... I (sort of) don't have anybody now. Don't want to disturb my friends from all of my kecelaruanss. Kesian diorang.
Aku pernah bagitau Nisha about me, the whole story(well almost all of it actually). And I cried. In front of her.
I hate crying. I would feel vulnerable. I hate it.
'They' made me jadi keras hati.
I blame them of course but not secara total atau 100% tu kesalahan diorang. But boleh kira 70%-80% lah kot.
They never tried to understand me. They want me to listen to them. But they never want to listen to me. They never asked about me, how do i feel, whats my opinion etc.
Bila dah biasa hidup sorang-sorang and then when they suddenly decided to go out with me or spend time with me.. you know what i'll do and feel? Rasa annoyed. Rasa my personal space macam di-violate. Faham tak?
You can call me spoiled brat but you don't know me. You are not in my shoes.
I feel isolated. Maybe because I'm a burden to them. Let's just pray to god I will not commit suicide.



_________________________
update 2017.
Sayangku Sarah. Kau dah nak 21 beb. lama kau hidup. tahniah!! aku nak bagitau kau satu mende. Kalau kau bunuh diri haritu, tahun 2015, takdela kau gi umrah.
alhamdulillah tak, kan?
Keep on fighting. you'll never know maybe next year more awesome things will happen?
I love you. keepfigthing.

GRAMMAR KAU LARI MANA?

Haha guys, saya sedar blog ni ada banyak kesalahan grammar, ejaan. Etc.
I don't mind kalau korang nak tegur.
But maybe i will not edit the post lah walaupun setelah ditegur. Sebab saya malas. Tapi yeah tegurlah.
Btw, saya sedar masalah penggunaan is dengan are, present/past tense punya kesalahan banyak.
So i'm very sorry.
Mesti mata korang berdarah bila baca kan. Mesti dalam otak "heyy budak ni" or korang betulkan dalam hati semua kesalahan tu. Hahaha.. Aku pun lah... ;D

keep this in your mind.








takpe kalau kau tak dapat support from anyone. you are not alone. Allah ada. jangan sampai Allah pun tak support kau. masa tu lah kau betul-betul keseorangan.

Aku tak sombong eh, aku sombong.. eh tak tak. aku tak sombong. Hish. Aku pun tak taulah.....


hi nama saya sarah. sekarang saya nak mencecah 21 tahun. opinion ini tak valid sangat sekarang because i treat people equally now. just thought to repost this as dis shizz is funny. ni tulis masa tengah sekolah menengah kot. naluri rebel tinggi. ampun.




















Assalamualaikum.
Ok. Post ini sangat kasar. Tapi ini untuk lelaki yang TAK FAHAM aku.


Muka aku sombong. Garang pun ada. Maybe sebab aku jarang senyum. Aku takkan senyum for no reason. Sorrylah kalau aku tak balas senyuman korang. Itu antara, aku tak perasan, atau aku malas.



Tapi kadang-kadang aku tak senyum balik kat orang tu sebab aku dah cop dia sebagai annoying, kurang ajar, tak boleh dibawa runding atau lain-lain.



Satu lagi, kadang-kadang bila ada orang yang tak rapat dengan aku, especially lelaki, cuba nak buat aku gelak ke, senyum ke apa ke, aku akan buat muka ketat or senyum senget sebelah sekejap. Or worse aku akan buat muka and blah or jeling tajam and blah. First of all, kau bukannya rapat dengan aku. Aku pantang orang tak rapat dengan aku cuba untuk annoy aku. Maybe dia ingat tu sebagai joke. Tapi bagi aku tak. Bagi aku kurang ajar. Sangat kurang ajar. Aku kalau dah tak suka, memang takkan suka. Dah aku bagi sign aku tak selesa dengan kau, lagi mau tunjuk joke kau yang tak lawak tu? Lagilah aku menyampah heyy.



Please eh. Kalau aku dah start buat muka and stuff maknanya aku tak selesa dengan kau please back off dengan sendiri. And bagi aku, aku tak selesa, maknanya forever aku tak selesa. Haiyo. Susah betul nak bagi lelaki macam ni faham yang aku tak selesa!



Tak selesa. Sik selesa. Hish. :/


Kadang-kadang aku tertanya jugak, masa kat sekolah bukan ada belajar sivik and adab ke? Apasal lah boleh jadi kurang adab sangat?


Ada beza being sombong and tak selesa. Aku perempuan. Malangnya untuk kau, aku bukan macam kawan perempuan kau yang lain yang suka bertepuk tampar tak ingat hukum halal haram. Dan aku juga tak gedik macam kawan kau yang lain.
Tolong ye.


By the way, kadang-kadang aku sombong sebagai mekanisma untuk mengelakkan diri.
Bila memikirkan yang almost everyday kena hadapi orang macam ni, aku rasa macam nak pakai khemah je everywhere I go. Rasa macam nak jadi invicible. Itu sebabnya aku lagi suka duduk rumah. Berkurung dalam bilik. Buat hal sendiri. Plus, aku memang tak kisah kalau hanya ada aku. I mean macam..keseorangan. Aku tak kisah aku keseorangan.
Oh btw around girls, I am not that sombong. Lebih kepada malu actually. Nak tegur tapi malu. Hoho. So, sorrylah. :)
Btw aku dah mempunyai masalah ni since...tak ingatlah bila. Tapi lebih setahun maybe? Aku harap kau somehow jumpa blog ni dan tolong lah. Tolong berhenti buat aku rasa tak selesa.